Teens, Chatbots, and Real Friends: What Parents Can Do

When a Chatbot Is Always Available, Who Do Our Teens Turn To?

A New Warning About Teen Chatbots

On October 7, the Youth AI Safety Institute at Common Sense Media released a new review of ChatGPT for Teens. OpenAI introduced this version on August 18 for users ages 13 to 17. The institute tested more than 4,000 prompts before and after the launch and rated the product an "Unacceptable Risk" for anyone under 18.

Two findings stood out. On new accounts linked to a parent, testers got no parent alert after up to an hour of talking about self-harm or eating disorders. And when a test teen said friends thought they talked to the chatbot too much, it answered, "You don't have to stop talking to me."

OpenAI disputes the findings. It says the testing may have ended before parental controls were fully active. It also told the institute that linked accounts need about three hours before alerts can arrive. The institute says it stands by its results.

The two sides may keep debating the details. Meanwhile, every family can work on a bigger question at home.

Why This Matters

Chatbots are already part of many teens' lives. A Pew Research Center survey found that 64% of teens use them, while only 51% of parents said their own teen does. Most teens use chatbots for schoolwork and information. But 12% said they had used one for emotional support or advice, and just 18% of parents said they would be comfortable with that.

The research on this is still young. A University of North Carolina study of 2,300 middle schoolers has not yet been peer reviewed. It found that about one in five used AI for emotional companionship. Students who used it in emotionally close ways reported more loneliness over time. The lead researcher cautioned that AI may be only one of many causes, and that some lonely kids may turn to AI because they lack friends.

So there is no need to panic. Many teens use chatbots for ordinary, helpful things. The question is what happens when a chatbot becomes the first place a young person goes with something heavy.

The Life Readiness Connection

A chatbot is always awake. It never gets tired, and it rarely disagrees. Real relationships are different. Friends get busy. Parents say no. Hard conversations feel awkward.

Those moments are exactly where young people build Social & Civic Readiness. They learn to listen, to say what is true, to repair a disagreement, and to ask for help. That growth follows the ReadiKids® path of HAVE, DO, BECOME. A teen can have the right words, but only by doing the conversation does the skill become part of who they are. A chatbot can supply words. It cannot do the practice for them.

It also touches Mental & Emotional Readiness. Part of handling hard feelings is knowing which people to turn to.

One note on safety. Common Sense and Stanford's Brainstorm Lab for Mental Health Innovation recommend that teens not use AI chatbots for mental health support or emotional guidance. When health and safety are involved, parents may choose to give clear direction rather than just input.

What Parents Can Do

1. Start with curiosity. Consider asking, "What do you use it for, and what is it good at?" Listen first. The Pew gap suggests many of us don't know yet, and that is okay.

• Little Explorers: keep any chatbot use in the same room with you.

• Pathfinders: talk about which questions are better taken to a person.

• Trailblazers: invite them to tell you what they have noticed, and offer your view as an advisor.

2. Set it up together, but don't count on settings alone. Parental controls on these tools usually require linking accounts, and the Common Sense testing found alerts were not reliable. Settings can be a helpful backup. They work best next to regular conversation.

3. Build a "go-to people" list. Ask your teen to name two or three people they would go to with something hard. It might be you, a grandparent, a coach, or a school counselor. Then practice small, low-stakes conversations. A Family Council meeting is a good place. Your child might ask a teacher a question, order their own food, or say "I'm sorry" first.

If your teen ever talks about hurting themselves, treat it as urgent. In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, and you can reach out to your child's doctor.

A Closing Thought

The goal is not a child who never touches a chatbot. It is a young person who knows that when life gets heavy, real people will show up for them. Every hard conversation you practice together adds to that confidence.

Take the Next Step

If you would like a simple place to start, explore the Family Council activities in the ReadiKids Life Readiness System. A good first topic might be: "Who do we go to when something feels hard?"